Today we will be looking at the use of silence for dramatic effect and describing aspects of the environment using personification.
Learning Objective: To write effective sentences for our story.
Steps to Success: Short vs long sentences, Brackets & feelings Personification.
Learning Chunk 1
Watch this clip below and think about the dramatic way that the camera pans away from the earth, showing you everything in space and then, when you get far enough into the unknown, think about the way that silence is used. Think about the words that you could use to describe the break in the action.
Here are some of the words I thought of: stop, halt, cease, freeze, standstill, silence, hush, nothing, empty, frozen, halted.
Think back to the cliff video from yesterday and generate ideas for what the Iron Man can see when he opens his eyes – lapping waves; scuttling crabs; reflection of the moonlight; stillness of the sea; twinkling stars.
Write a sentence describing what he sees. Open with three single words (for impact), followed by a long, complex sentence about the nighttime environment.
Here is my example: Stop. Silence. Nothing. As the Iron Man opened his eyes, he saw the reflection of the moonlight on the dark sea and the scuttling of crabs in the distance.
Learning Chunk 2
Imagine the Iron Man’s feelings when he realises that he has broken into pieces. Think of words to describe this. Here are some I thought of – shock, horror, disbelief, fear, despair, sadness, anxiety, despondency, hopelessness, desperation.
Here is a given sentence to write next... He realised that he had shattered into pieces.
Consider how extra information (about his feelings) can be inserted in brackets – to his horror; with shock and disbelief; with a sense of hopelessness; with growing anxiety; in desperation; with immense sadness.
Add some extra information about how he might be feeling into the sentence using brackets. Here is mine: He realised (to his horror) that he had shattered into pieces.
Learning Chunk 3
Using the FANTASTICs, generate a big bank of human actions. See if you can add any more to my list – laugh, run, jump, whisper, smile, shout, cuddle, cry, blink, wink, tickle, caress, stroke, chatter, shout, howl, bellow, dance, sleep, shiver, rest.
split your page into 4 and write one of the following headings at the top of each section: clouds, wind, sea and stars.
Next, think about
(a) Which human actions are most appropriate for their environmental aspect?
(b) What caring/comforting actions might their aspect be seen to be doing to help The Iron Man after his fall?
Here are some examples: clouds (covered, protected, comforted); wind (stroked, caressed, whispered); sea (bathed, soothed).
Write your sentence and personify aspects of the environment, so they appear to be helping/ comforting the injured Iron Man.
Here is my example: Sensing his despair, the clouds joined forces and formed a blanket in the night sky. The stars smiled down on him. The sea caressed his broken body and the wind whispered words of encouragement.
After you have reviewed and edited your sentence, send it in to the class email -